Where Are You Going?

There are a mind-boggling number of motivational platitudes that get passed around on social media. Little nuggets of wisdom that have become part of our cultural vernacular. I’m certain you see them everywhere, too.

• “Stop playing small.”
• “Show up in your life.”
• “Lean into it {fill in the blank}.”
• “Craft your own narrative.”

But what does it mean, to lean in, or to stop playing small? These phrases, packaged as practical life advice, sound good, they’re timely and social media share worthy, but let’s get real. Let’s go beyond the clever sayings. What in the hell do the words mean?

How do I stop playing small? What does “playing small” even mean? Lean into what? Show up how? What are we really saying, or asking?

These can be loaded questions, because most of us, given the opportunity, will go immediately to what is NOT working, rather than reflecting on the stuff that is working well. Discomfort or contrast makes it that much more obvious what we don’t have, what we have not yet become. So, is there a way to turn the longing for something different into motivation or an actionable plan?

The first thing I usually consider is: what is it that I am seeking?

What is my ultimate goal? Am I really living life, or am I just making it through? Quite frankly, at different periods of my life journey I lived large, other times I just made an appearance and slugged my way through.

If we take a 30,000 feet fly over approach when looking at our lives, we can clearly see it’s a journey peppered with speed bumps, hills, valleys, high points, and low points, we have the ability to understand that it’s not really linear. It isn’t about going from point A to point B.

The same concept applies to self-improvement, spiritual development, career advancement, relationship statuses; things we’ve determined to have hierarchies and stepping stones meant to take us to the next level, the better level, the highest level.

I can feel myself cringe when I reflect on all the times I thought, “I’ll feel better when I get that one thing; I’ll feel better when this happens, or when that’s over.”  So much energy spent, attaching my joy to a specific outcome.

What if that specific achievement or outcome never happens? Should I just ditch the hope that I’ll be able to feel joy or feel content?  Now, that’s a pretty depressing way to approach life, wouldn’t you agree?

So here’s a quick question: Where is better than where you are now? Excuse the awkwardness of the phrasing…but I want you to think about destinations – the “where.”

• Where would you feel blissful?

• Where would you feel joy rising up in your chest?

• Where would you have to be, in order to feel such positivity?

The answer is very likely right on the tip of your tongue – you know exactly “where” you want to be.

What if where you are, right now, in all areas of your life, is actually perfect? Can you accept the concept that you could be where you need to be, right now? And yes, that includes the discomfort or the yearning that wells up in your chest.  Contrast provides the clarity that allows for fine tuning what you do want to have, accept, or become. It’s a never-ending journey that doesn’t stop when you reach level A, or B, or C.

The funny thing about humans is that we are seekers. We seek knowledge, experience, pain, affirmation, consequences.  It’s uncomfortable to just BE.  It’s like we’re programmed to always be searching for something, or acquiring a thing, person, or experience.  So, what’s the point of this all?

Perhaps accepting that now is perfect, even in its imperfection; in fact, because of its imperfection.  Your current circumstances allow you to appreciate what’s working, identify what is not, and set a course for expansion.

My intention is to help you peel back the layers, examine what’s inside, and create tools that may offer you the path of least resistance to your goals, dreams, and wants.

I’ve found that the biggest source of resistance to anything, is the person in the mirror.  We say we want success yet, success means people will notice us; it means people will judge us; it means we may have to be different than we once were. And fear can quickly convince you to shut that shit down, immediately! Who wants to be different? I get it. But, who wants different outcomes? Then, step into something different, my friend.

The rules are easy: 1) No judgments; 2) No shame; 3) No justifications.

You want what you want. Bam. Case closed. It doesn’t serve you to defend your desires to anyone else.  It really doesn’t matter what “it” is, or why you want “it.”  As long as you feel passionately drawn to “it,” then “it” is perfect.  The journey is in the moving closer to the “it” and not about achieving “it.”

Simply stated – the growth comes from the journey to the “it” and not in the getting “it.”  Often when we consciously start the journey, what we think we want is one thing; further into the journey we discover we want something slightly different, or we fill in the once fuzzy details of our goal. Things begin to reveal themselves, and we gain momentum.

What’s the first step? A commitment to yourself. Commit to investing the time and mental and emotional energy. Commit to not judging yourself for what you want, or the outcome. Commit to not letting the unknown or your fear take you off course. Commit that your journey is the most important thing.

Putting yourself first is not being selfish; it’s being smart.  You can’t serve the world if you are not serving yourself first. It’s not like you have to fully understand or even grasp what your life purpose is; without a doubt, a large part of your purpose is to ENJOY YOUR LIFE.

Adopting this belief and holding true to your own personal pursuit of joy is key. You can be as vocal or as private as you wish about your journey when you’re interacting with other humans, but when you’re alone, I encourage you to enthusiastically embrace where you are headed with a sense of excited expectation.

It is your life, your journey, and your growth.  Welcome it, breathe through it, and don’t apologize for it. Never is it about “deserving” or “not deserving.”  Happiness, fulfilment, excitement…all of these emotions and feelings, and so many more, are absolutely yours if you want them. Of course you deserve them, they have been yours all along, you need to CLAIM them.