Oh, dear heart…how many times have I gotten a request to give someone the information they lust for – “when will my twin flame and I be reunited?!”  The human part of me always wants to reply with, “hopefully, you won’t any time soon.”  Does that sound harsh? It does. But you see, the Twin Flame thingie, is not what people think it is.

In a society that programs us from the time we are little, especially females of the species, to grow up and find your perfect match, fall madly in love, and live out some romance novel…reality is often a kick to the shins.  We do not learn how to love ourselves, we end up skimping on the self-love and jump right into “my life will be amazing when someone loves me back.”  Unfortunately, that’s false information.

The twin flame phenomenon has sort of become front and center in spiritual work.  The last few years, I’ve seen a huge uptick in women talking about their twin flame connection. But the more I dive into the subject, the more I’m convinced we don’t know what we’re talking about. Twin flame and soul mate are not the same thing; spoiler alert: the word FLAME is in there for a reason. It burns.  And quite frankly, we don’t all have a twin flame. Sometimes when a romance is rejected, hurts, or doesn’t work — it’s not meant for us. It doesn’t mean we should cling stubbornly to future interactions with this person, because we just ‘know’ that he or she is our twin.

The twin flame is essentially the by-product of one soul, splitting into two.  It is very much like having a twin on the Earth plane; there is an amazing energetic and physical connection, and we feel good in their presence. Until we don’t. A twin flame acts as a mirror for us, and often triggers our shadow work. You see, twin flames don’t stay for long. They pull us to them, like a magnet, and then to actualize their own human experience, they repel us like the flip side of that magnet and move onto their next adventure. Might they return? Yep, they probably will.  Is it going to be like a romance novel? Trust me, it is almost never like a romance novel.

There is a yin yang, pleasure pain experience with a twin flame.  When things are going well, it’s like a hit of our favorite drug.  It’s intoxicating at times, and we feel love drunk.  Suddenly we feel complete, and its us and them against the world. What’s not to love about that? It’s not sustainable. It’s temporary. And it’s often very destructive.

Boundaries and realistic expectations are often hard when we experience that level of intensity. We are having a human experience after all. There are a couple of things I want to say about this twin flame thing.  First, know that what is meant for you, will always find its way to you. That goes for people, opportunities, jobs, everything. The Universe knows what its doing. Trust.

If you put your trust in the Universe, you begin to loosen up the desire to chase; you begin to stand in your power and recognize that your self worth does not come from external relationships.  This is important, so please read this part again: YOU ARE AN AMAZING BEING FULL OF LOVE AND POSSIBILITIES. THIS IS NOT DEFINED BY YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS. 

OK, I’m almost off my soap box. But I needed to say that last part, because not every failed relationship is because the person is your twin flame. It’s actually rare to have a twin flame, and the danger in this twin flame movement is it convinces us that we all have one; and we must know who they are.  So what do people do when they hear that? “Oh my gosh, I knew Todd was the one. I knew I was supposed to be with him no matter what. Yes, it’s awful sometimes, but we’re meant for each other.” You know what? There is a good chance that Todd is just an ass and you have much better relationship options on the horizon.  Todd the Toad is not necessarily your twin flame just because you have a yin yang, pleasure pain dynamic.  And if Todd the Toad IS your twin flame, you can bet there will be many sleepless nights full of tears when he is an active part of your life.

If you know yourself, and feel love and self worth, you can steady your ship.  You attract into your life the love you believe you deserve. So please don’t get sidetracked with the twin flame phenomenon. This sets you up to misdiagnose unhealthy relationships as a fated romance that will be much like a cruise on the Titanic.

Before you decide that so-and-so is your twin flame, and before you decide you’re willing to burn down your entire life just to drink from that fountain for a short time…please hit the pause button. If any of your actions or behaviors are based in the scarcity mentality, or are coming from a place that isn’t evoking huge self-love vibes, please put on the brakes.  Never doubt that what is meant for you, will always make its way to you.  You never have to chase after love, you only need to look in the mirror and fall madly, deeply in love with the beautiful soul staring back at you.