While giving a reading this morning, I had one of those a-ha moments. Which generally tells me that the message I’m sharing is not just for the client. I think most humans have been in relationships where we felt lost, stalled, or confused as we waited for the relationship partner to feed us with attention, intention, or another form of validation.
If they’d only communicate and be transparent, we’d have the information that would allow us to feel at ease. Here’s where we start to get off course a bit. It’s always about US, really not about THEM.
If our source of joy, happiness and hope is reliant on the actions (or inactions) of another human, we are not likely to feel steady, strong, or in control. Which leads us to tapping into chaos energy, fear, and anxiety.
Speaking for myself, when I focused on what was missing, what I didn’t have, how what I did have was different from what I wanted – I was feeding energy into the deficit. I was making the deficit between us larger, bigger, and was giving life to my fears, my insecurities, and my feelings of disempowerment. YES, my power was in the allowing, the releasing of the need to control the outcome, and yet I was feeding the deficit.
Does that mean we shouldn’t get readings to find out the most likely outcome on a relationship situation? I’ve struggled with this, wanting to be a useful energy worker, helping people get through the valley, the fear, the insecurity.
When a relationship partner pulls back their energy and we are left with unanswered questions, we want answers. It’s confusing. Getting a reading around the situation, in my opinion, is definitely OK. However, what a psychic can tap into is not some pre-destined outcome, but how things are most likely to end up, based on the trajectory the relationship is on, based on a snapshot of energy that’s happening now. I’m simplifying the heck out of that, but essentially, there’s no guarantee the psychic gets it “right” or “wrong,” because all humans have free-will and their actions or in-actions are constantly shaking up the energy and affecting the trajectory.
Where we end up feeding the deficit, and adding some not-helpful-energy to our intimate connection, is when we obsess or keep “checking in” on the energy around the relationship; because after all, “you told me that December(ish) is when things are most likely to improve, heal, get better…” When a client hears that the end of the year is where things seem to pivot, sometimes they’ll want to check the progress each month as we draw closer to the end of the year…what the client is doing is adding energy and fuel to the deficit, not the solution.
How do we feed the solution, the reconciliation, the potential positive outcome? By letting it breathe. By focusing on other things. By allowing the Universe to work on our behalf. We feel insecure, we lean into the part of “not having what I want, and yet wanting it so bad,” that we add chaos energy, we add constriction energy, we muddy the energy, that could have been flowing beautifully, and beautifully “on-time.”
In short, because we want what we want, we often believe we can’t feel like what we want is coming, if we don’t see proof of it. That’s not really how faith works though, is it? If you’re not feeling it, and you’re worrying, you only feed your worry and fear, when you focus on what you don’t have. Right? That works with money, that works with relationships, that works with the job you want so bad that you haven’t heard back from…
We often lose our own identity in relationships and convince ourselves that we can only feel better when we get all the answers that the relationship partner won’t share with us. Unfortunately, we give away our power when we put ourselves into this mindset. And I’m guilty of doing it myself. The Universe helped me break the pattern, pretty forcibly, because I wasn’t really getting it with whispers and signs. In my case, the Universe had to throw a grenade in, so I’d finally get it, so I could finally feel free of the constrictive patterns of thought. Don’t invite in the grenade folks, it’s not pleasant, but it IS effective.
Will I still read for people around relationship questions? Of course. Here’s where I have to help redirect folks – if I’ve read for you a few weeks ago, and we had information come through that indicated if you gave it some time and space to breathe, that things would realign themselves in a new, better, and more pleasing way…what did you do to leave it alone and give it space to breathe, grow, and improve? Did you focus on the deficit? Are you focusing on the deficit right now? Doesn’t feel great, right? So why would you want to channel that energy into a situation that you want to see resolved in a really positive way?
Where we have power is in stopping the suffering we put ourselves through. If we feed the deficit, put our focus and energy on the missing part, we only grow the deficit. We feel less steady, which triggers a pattern of wanting to know, wanting to know, wanting to know. We end up punishing ourselves, when the easiest path is really releasing it, and letting the Universe do its thing. The Universe is conspiring in your favor, and when you feed the deficit, you add resistance into the equation. Time, space, and faith. Stop feeding the deficits in your life.