Can we please stop talking about Twin Flames?

Back in 2018, I wrote a blog post about why I don’t offer psychic readings on the topic of twin flames – and it got some traction. Not because I am an expert on the topic, but because the term “twin flames” was searched so often on Google.

So many psychic reading requests I received in 2018 into 2020 were from broken hearted people, wanting confirmation that the person they were struggling to be in relationship with, was truly their twin flame. As if that would make things any better. Oy vey.

Here’s the deal: most people do not have a twin flame.

What IS a twin flame? According to metaphysical lore, when a soul splits, and “enters” two different bodies, each of these humans would be one half, or a twin.  The flame is about the hot spark and draw to be together. The flame also represent the burn (not the good kind) that comes from fire.

Typically, a twin flame relationship is incredibly difficult and there’s often emotional and energetic chaos when the twins are “reunited.”

Imagine the journey of someone who craves a drug. They haven’t been able to get their hands on the drug for some time.  It’s all they can think about, and it is what they crave. The first couple of hits are euphoric – all the endorphins kick in and its bliss.  But then, things turn…and consuming the drug creates chaos and instability.  It turns from bliss to bad, and depending on the twin connection, it can happen rather quickly. Chase and catch, hold and smother, burst into painful flames, run away, rinse and repeat.  And yet, this is what people were hoping to be a part of – because it sounds so romantic, right?

If you’re reading this and it’s upsetting to you, or challenging your belief system, you probably should keep reading. Because I believe the pop-culture term of twin flame is really mucking things up.  True twin flames – and these are so very, very rare, live with a ton of pain and longing. Like having an itch you really can’t scratch.  And then when you can, the scratching ends up making you crazy, and you need a break in order to heal.  It’s a cycle that can repeat throughout the course of your lifetime.  What seems romantic about this?

Due to documentaries on Hulu and Amazon, twin flames are getting lots of attention, again. The people featured in the documentary would have you believe that 1) everyone has a twin flame (not true) and 2) your twin flame is your true soulmate (even less true) and 3) you can only be complete when you’re in some kind of union with said flame.

Twin flames are NOT soulmates.  Every single human has a ton of soulmates. Because soulmates are actually members of your soul tribe – souls you are connected to throughout time and dimension.  Even though we think of soulmates as being romantic, most of our soulmates are platonic (think friend, family member, etc).  A soulmate is a soul who will be with you throughout every single lifetime. They’ll always find you, and they will always feel like home.

And to circle back to this crazy idea that you should be seeking out and forcing a connection to a twin flame, I don’t even know where to begin.  There’s no such thing as a (harmonious) unification with twin flames.  It’s not a thing, and any harmony that happens is short lived.  Can you have a beautiful, solid connection with a romantic soulmate? Of course.  Maybe those two yahoos in the documentary found one of their respective soulmates and they committed to a marital relationship.  That’s great, and worth celebrating. However, this idea that those two are twin flames, I’d suggest otherwise. If there’s no conflict, chaos, or crazy making on the regular —  it’s not a twin flame.  I’ll stop addressing those two yahoos – if you want to look up the documentaries, you’ll see lots of problems with their approach, and it goes well beyond what I’m talking about here.

twin flame mythLastly, please understand that if you do believe in twin flames, that’s perfectly OK. But please don’t assume that if you can’t get over your ex, it’s because they are your twin flame.  Don’t assume that just because your lover is unavailable (married or not physically available) but you two long to be together constantly, that this is a twin flame connection.

People often mistake toxic relationships for twin flames. They mistake disordered attachments as twin flames.  Sometimes a relationship is really unhealthy and you’re better off not being in that relationship. Twin flame culture tells you to charge fully ahead.  I encourage you to hit the pause button, get some support from trusted friends, and detach yourself from the toxicity in a healthy and sustainable way.

What if it’s actually as simple as this – you get to meet a ton of people along life’s journey:  soulmate, stranger, friend… and from each of those connections you have the opportunity to engage deeply or to connect for a short time, or perhaps not maintain any connection?

Each energetic interaction offers you a perspective that you can grow from, if you choose.  See, you get to determine how much energetic imprint this person leaves with you.  Let’s show up as our authentic selves and expect others to do the same.

Everyone who is meant for you, they’ll make their way into your timeline. It’s Universal law.  You don’t have to chase, you don’t have to be rescued, and you don’t have to get caught up in the latest pop-culture idea around relationships.

I do believe twin flames exist in this world.  I do believe they are about as rare as unicorns. Please don’t go chasing unicorns; rather, be as healthy as you can for yourself (you deserve it), and then honor yourself by giving your attention to relationships that nourish your soul.




Scroll to Top