The Reluctant Medium
Skeptical isn’t quite strong enough to describe my views of mediumship prior to acknowledging my abilities. I saw mediums as highly attuned con-artists taking advantage of people in their weakest moments. Harsh? Yes. I was.
Like many, many mediums, intuitives, and empaths, I had experienced odd, if not inexplicable, events in my life. Dreams, premonitions, a “knowing” that was “in my head,” and an uncanny ability to feel someone’s hidden intentions. I was in a constant state of heightened awareness that I worked very hard to hide from everyone. Why? Because it didn’t make sense! Why was I so aware of what seemed like, nothing?
Well, because that nothing was something. It was me. A version of me I did NOT want to face.
Fear controlled every possible explanation of what I was experiencing. Fear that I was “evil”, fear that I was crazy, fear that I was a liar, fear that I was a highly attuned con-artist! Every possible path was paved in negative and I had to choose one of those paths because I needed to know what sort of ugly I really was. I am a truth-seeker at heart but facing what I was, terrified me, and for good reason; one of these ugly truths was going to define me.
I went to a physician and put myself on anti-depressants. I found a psychiatrist and began my first attempts at curing the crazy. When the crazy didn’t stop, I upped the dosage and found a counselor. When the crazy still didn’t stop, I broke down and told my husband the ugly truth about me; I am crazy and no one can cure me. The counselor and the psychiatrist both said I was fine, “level-headed and rational” in fact! But I knew it was because I hadn’t told them about all of my experiences. I didn’t tell them because I lived in a very real fear of being institutionalized. When I became pregnant, that fear grew to encompass the very real possibility that if anyone knew how crazy I was, they would take my child away from me.
Spirit knows when you are at a real breaking point.
During my pregnancy, and in the midst of crippling fear, I had two life-altering experiences with dead people. Yea – I call em’ dead people because that is exactly what they were to me! Dead! Dead and scary! These “visions” were straight out of a true-crime show written and directed by Stephen King himself, and I had the only seat in an IMAX theater.
Not only was I terrified of myself, now I am terrified of what I have seen AND…wait for it…both of these experiences happened IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE! Yes. Witnesses. Witnesses that will most likely be testifying in the state vs. Leigh as they take my unborn child away. You get my fear?!
But, here is where spirit stepped in.
My husband, a logic-based engineer, was witness to these events. On the second event, he did something that changed my life forever.
He said “Tell me what you see”. As I type those words, I still get chills. You never know how a sentence, a thought, and permission will change the course of a life. Without hesitation, and with the singular goal of getting all of these images, thoughts, and feelings out of my head, I told my husband what I was seeing.
It was a murder. A violent murder. And I had no idea why I would be seeing it. My husband took that information and started researching the local paper and talking to his mother (a lifelong resident of the town) about what I had “seen”. Turns out, that murder really happened and it happened exactly as I saw it.
I did not make up a story. I did not create the characters. I experienced an event outside of my knowledge. And don’t think for one minute that I did not exhaust every possible way that I might have “subconsciously” known about that story prior to my event (I had gone to a psychiatrist, I mean, I was pretty much a professional at this point – right?!)
It would still take me 13 more years and a lot of experiences before I took the first step in accepting my abilities. I had acknowledged them, but I had not accepted them as a part of who I was.
Fear takes a long time to work its way out of our potential.
It was my husband, again, who encouraged me to seek answers, to find others like me, to deal with who I really was. He gave me permission to trust my own experiences when I couldn’t even accept them yet. I didn’t really need permission, but I was seeking it without even realizing. I needed someone to say “You aren’t crazy. This is real.” I needed just one person to say it was OK to be me even when I was too scared to see myself.
I was ready and I was scared. I knew I needed to find someone like me. Preferably someone with a lot of experience and a guide book on how not to lose your mind 🙂
Turns out, there is no manual. But, I did find a medium who taught me a few things and let me know that if I was crazy, I had a lot of company!
I took those first few lessons and I started searching for more lessons. They are everywhere! I learned and experienced a lot but I didn’t prescribe to the stereotypes and stigma of being a medium, I never will. So, I had to make my own path in this experience and I realized, that was the goal all along.
My story, my experiences, my lessons are all unique to the purpose of my journey. So are yours.
You aren’t crazy.
You aren’t alone.
You just have lessons to learn and a path to build. You got this. Really, you do.
Book a Session
You can reach out to Leigh using the contact form and let her know when you are open to schedule a session. They are typically 30 minutes, and done over the phone, Facebook messenger, or we can determine the best method for you.
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