Avoiding Pain is Not an Option

You have to advocate for you. Every day, and in every way. You see, we are surrounded by people, on this big spinning sphere called Earth. We all are walking our own individualized journeys and we are going to have to walk alone sometimes.

While we long for companionship and we want to connect with others, we are often totally disconnected from ourselves. Maybe trauma is to blame, but dissociating from life prevents us from living it fully. And I have spent years of my life seeking out solitude just to avoid painful emotions. Which as you might imagine, has forced me to face all those things I was trying to avoid.

[insert childish scream of rebellion]

Solitude, for the purpose of getting to know one’s self is a beautiful thing. It affords us the opportunity to examine and evaluate our values, boundaries, and determine what and who get to have a role in our lives. Avoiding pain and unpleasantries does not actually push them away, it just moves them to the back of the line. They still act as a barrier between YOU and the LIFE YOU WANT.

So when it hurts, let it hurt. Don’t be so quick to push that feeling aside that you completely avoid it. Because I can promise you, it ain’t going anywhere. It’s gonna just be sitting there, where you left it, rearing its ugly head, waiting to be dealt with.

The best way I know how to move through something is to recognize it: name it, embrace it, own it, examine it, and release it. You have to figure out what you are feeling; why you are feeling it; and what inside of you is begging to be healed.

Because just like a two year old who throws a tantrum, that unhealed wound is going to end up screaming until you can’t ignore it anymore.

Allow yourself 8 minutes every day to examine that thing: that pain. What caused it? Why is it so uncomfortable? What do you think it means? Why does this experience or memory or person or whatever…kick you in the guts. What is the purpose?

Examine it, ask it questions, trace it all the way back to its origin. Decide if you want to keep carrying it around, or if you’re ready to release it and make room for something better.  Do that for 8 minutes. Then put it away until tomorrow.  Every time your thoughts drift back to that wound, remind yourself that you’ve already put in your 8 minutes today, and you don’t get to return to it until tomorrow. For 8 minutes. Why 8 minutes? Because it keeps you from overwhelm, it keeps you from allowing that wound to become your focus. We just deal with it, in bite size chunks.

The real reason it’s showing up is so you can heal it. I promise. I’m on an extreme, unpleasant, and almost laughable journey of healing my old shit, myself.  I am aware of the discomfort and the knee jerk reaction to run the other way. I’m living it, every day.  But the details of my situation will change, and in some way be repeated; perhaps with different people, places, and things…until I decide I am important enough that I deserve to heal this wound and allow space for something new.

I have the power. You have the power. Let’s do this.

rosalie brown